I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
