I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
