Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
