I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
