fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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