Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
