Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
how does that bad decision feel?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
