Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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