Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
