That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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