so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
