Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
