The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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