why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
