Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
