Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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