We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
