Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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