Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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