I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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