What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
