bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
