you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
