I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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