There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
