as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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