He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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