Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
