Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize