Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
