I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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