yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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