I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
