my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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