Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
