You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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