I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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