dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Let's get the cat blown out
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
