Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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