Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
