Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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