just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
