one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
