Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
