I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pooping to opera.
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