i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
