tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My life is pants optional.
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