you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Boobs speak an international language.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
