Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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