well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
