This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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