Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
