Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
