Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
