my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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