Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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