porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
