playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
