Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
