i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Shame - the story of my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
