It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
