It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
