I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The air was thick with penises
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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