so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
