you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
