I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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