Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
