Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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