apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
