We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
