Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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