If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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