He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
