she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
