Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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