So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
two words: eviction party
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
