It's Friday. Sex?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
