Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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