just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
