HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
